Peace and Quiet
by Splendid Shadows
Summary: Lady gets upset when she finds that Dante has skipped out on his chores. Vergil's peace and quiet suffers the consequences. VxL oneshot! R&R please!


**Title:** Peace and Quiet  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairing:** Vergil x Lady  
**Disclaimer:** Who owns Devil May Cry? Gimme a C-A-P-C-O-M! Yay!  
**Summary: **Basically Vergil would like some peace and quiet but since when did I ever give him what he wanted? XD

**A/N:** Ahahaha, this came from a fanart icon I saw my friend use. It might be a little OOC in the end but I'm happy with the overall results. Feel free to review or leave constructive criticisms! Enjoy. :)

_Edited on 26/02/06. The mistakes I make are so silly. :(  
_

* * *

Vergil always liked the afternoon. It wasn't often that he had the chance to enjoy it, but when he was alone and everything was quiet, he felt a measure of peace settle over his soul. 

Sitting at the kitchen table, he lifted his favourite teacup to his face and took an appreciative sniff. Ah, this was the life. True, it wasn't the one he'd envisioned himself living at this point in time but after he'd gotten used to residing with his brother and the human woman, he admitted that it wasn't so bad.

Now if he could only achieve full demonhood, he'd be set …

"Friggin' Hell!"

The outraged cry promptly broke Vergil's tranquility.

Casting an irked glare at the kitchen door, he soon heard Lady clattering down the steps. Her combat boots made loud clomping sounds and she landed at the base of the stairs with an especially loud stomp.

She blew into the kitchen as she carried a sack over her shoulder. She wasn't packing any weapons on her, but the expression on her face was scary enough to deter any foe. Turning on her heels she marched right up to him.

"Where's Dante?" she bit out without preamble.

'_If she gets any madder she'll have foam coming out of her mouth,'_ Vergil sneered to himself but on the outside he blandly replied, "He's out on a call."

"Shit!" she growled as she dumped her sack on the floor.

Vergil didn't ask what was the matter; if the foolish woman wanted to murder Dante, he was all for it. Anyway Vergil didn't like asking when he didn't have to. Accordingly he arched a fine eyebrow and waited for Lady to notice.

After a few moments of inarticulate grumbling, she did.

"He forgot," she mumbled as she folded her arms across her chest.

Vergil maintained his questioning yet still regal expression.

"It's the idiot's turn to do the laundry," Lady snorted as she kicked the sack at her feet.

"Ah."

The premises of Devil May Cry was crowded enough that adding a washer and dryer set would have made living there insufferable. Instead the trio relied on the coin laundromat a few blocks down. No one liked hiking all that distance every week just to wash their clothing, but it had to be done. As one of the few compromises they all agreed to, the three would take turns doing the entire group's laundry on Thursday, which also happened to be today. This set-up let them save on money and unnecessary hassles.

'_But of course retarded Dante forgot!'_ Lady fumed silently as she glared at the floor. The moron was just lucky that he had a legitimate reason for skipping laundry duty; demon hunting was always the top priority for the three of them.

"So why are you doing it?" Vergil inquired after taking a sip of Earl Grey tea. "That would mean you're overlooking his irresponsibility and –"

She said something quickly.

"What?" he asked, curious enough not to get irritated at her interruption. Lady had suddenly started drilling the floor with her toe in obvious embarrassment. And even though he'd only known her less than a year, he knew she didn't get uncomfortable over trivial things.

"I said I'm outta clothes!" she barked, half in annoyance and half in mortification.

Vergil pointedly looked at what she was currently wearing. She had on a pair of faded denim pants with rips at the shin area. The cuffs were also rolled up so that she wouldn't trip over them as she walked. They were so baggy that it was apparent that they were men's jeans.

Her shirt wasn't much better. It was an old men's dress shirt that was frayed at the bottom. There was a large ink stain on the breast pocket and the buttons, or at least the few left, had thread coming out of them. Like the pants they were also too loose for her.

"They're Dante's," Vergil said with some amusement.

"Yeah, well it's the least he could do for leaving me with no clean clothes to wear!" she said defensively. Lady had rooted through his dresser drawers and closet to look for some suitable garments, and she'd had to settle for her current outfit. This made her look like a bum off the street but she had no choice. Really, it was amazing how much leather attire Dante owned …

"Anyway it's better than going naked to the laundromat."

"Mm," Vergil agreed as his gaze went back to his afternoon tea. He didn't really care what Lady was up to, just as long as she would _leave_. The half-demon wanted to have his peace and quiet back, and her departure would ensure that.

Used to his abrupt ending of conversations, Lady sniffed in aggravation. Honestly, he was such a big prat! And Vergil said that Dante was the immature one!

After bending over to retrieve the laundry sack, Lady straightened up.

**_Pop_**

**_Smack_**

Vergil felt something hit his forehead and then fall into his tea. Peering into his cup he saw a button.

He heard Lady gasp in shock. Glancing up he was met with the sight of the open dress shirt and what lay within.

The red dress shirt outlined her creamy body to perfection. It even made the white scars seem to stand out on her well-toned abdomen. But what drew his attention the most were the two mounds barely hidden by the shirt. He knew she wasn't endowed with mountainous breasts but he found that he liked hers just the same.

'…_wait, what was that last thought?'_ he asked himself. _'And why isn't she wearing a bra!'_

"Vergil!" she shrieked as she caught him staring. Hastily she wrapped the dress shirt around her exposed flesh and held it shut.

"…" was all he managed to say as he dumbly stared at her.

Lady felt heat crawling up her face and then spread down to her neck and chest. Geez, you'd think she had sprouted two heads with the way he was looking at her! It was normal for girl's to have boobs, and hers weren't that big anyway so what was the big freakin' deal?

'_Oh, but of course I had to run out of bras too!'_ she wailed to herself in humiliation. Thank God he hadn't seen all of her assets.

'_Idiot!'_ she cursed him. _'He's almost as bad as Dante! Well …OK maybe not, but at least he could look away or something!'_

But there was no denying the giddy-high blooming in her chest. Vergil, cold-hearted, emotionless, asshole _Vergil_ was staring at her. It made her feel just a little smug.

Several uncomfortable minutes ticked by as Vergil gawked at her and Lady held the shirt closed. The ticking of the wall clock was the only sound in the kitchen, and it seemed to boom with each passing second.

Finally Lady had enough.

"Take off your shirt."

"Pardon me?" Vergil asked in complete shock. He didn't even try to hide it since her request had blind-sided him so much.

"I said take off your shirt!" Lady repeated fiercely though her cheeks, ears, and neck were still red. She'd seen his stunned face but she was too mortified to laugh at his comical expression. "I still need to go to the laundromat and Dante's shirt won't do."

"Why not wear another of his shirts then?" he frowned, his old exasperation coming back. He welcomed the emotion since it was familiar and the anger gave him strength. It was much preferred over the shocked stupor he'd been in before.

"There is none!" Lady sighed. "All his decent ones are in here," she kicked the sack again, "and the rest are, uh, inappropriate for me to wear."

She didn't have to remind him that Dante liked to flaunt his muscular build sometimes.

Setting his teacup down, Vergil stood up. He glared at Lady but she ignored it; she was immune to it by now.

Sighing quietly to himself in defeat, he doffed off his long clue coat and began to unbutton his black silk dress shirt.

'_It's the gentlemanly thing to do,'_ he reminded himself as he peeled the soft material from off his arms. To be frank, he was loathed to lend her his favourite shirt, but it looked like he had no choice. If he refused she'd _never_ stop whining at him, and he'd never have his peace and quiet.

As he pulled the shirt from out of his pants, Lady gulped. Even though Dante and Vergil were twins, she often forgot that he was as built as his red-clad brother. It was just that Vergil always wore long sleeved shirts and pants, regardless of weather.

Now that she was privy to his naked torso, she saw how his muscles rippled with every movement he made. The over-powering urge to run her fingers over his abs shot through her, and she had to clamp her hands with her armpits to keep from doing it.

'_Stop it!'_ she told herself harshly though her eyes were still glued to his hard body. _'You cannot be doing this!'_

Lady managed to flick her eyes away from his form a second before he looked at her.

'_She's still blushing,'_ he mentally noted to himself as he took a step forward. _'She's such a prude.'_

Smirking at the thought, he shoved his shirt at her.

"Thanks," she quickly said as she grabbed it without looking. Her hand brushed against his and she couldn't help but admire the smoothness of his skin.

'_It's probably from wearing gloves so often,'_ she thought as her blush deepened. It protected his hands from gaining calluses.

Without being asked Vergil returned to his chair and faced away from her. Shooting his back a grateful look Lady draped his (expensive) shirt on a nearby chair and took off Dante's ruined clothing.

As he heard Lady changing into his shirt, Vergil's eyes drifted. The countertop was filled with junk and half-eaten food, and he knew Dante had been the culprit.

'_I can't believe I'm related to such a slob,'_ Vergil thought with mild disgust. _'I've told him a thousand times but he never list-'_

Vergil's mouth opened in shock but thankfully she didn't hear the strangled cry that crawled out of his throat.

His ice blue eyes had wandered over to the toaster, which happened to be chrome silver in colour. The reflective surface showed Lady in her undressed glory, and he managed to make out her uncovered breasts.

Her bosoms seemed to stick out of her chest like an apple on a tree. Even through the slightly distorted image on the toaster he could see her coral pink nipples hardening in the cool air.

Lady's pert mounds rose as she raised her arm to slip into his shirt.

Vergil's pants were suddenly a lot tighter than before.

Wildly turning his eyes away he concentrated with all his might on a mostly empty box of cereal.

'_I did not see that. I did not see that,'_ he repeated to himself in quick succession. However as he stared at the Trixx rabbit it somehow morphed into an image of Lady's naked boobs.

' …_oh Hell's bells, I did see that!'_

"Done!" Lady said happily as she fastened the last button. She smoothed had hands over the glorious material and reveled in its feel.

'_Wow, this must have cost an arm and a leg, but it's worth it!'_ she purred at the silk's sheen and texture. And best of all it was _warm_ and smelled faintly of men's cologne. Pressing her nose closer to the collar, she caught a whiff of Vergil's no doubt equally expensive perfume and his own personal scent. Taking a second sniff she smiled.

His scent was crisp and clean, just like he was, and she cuddled herself closer to his shirt.

Suddenly feeling his heavy gaze on her, Lady began to fix the collar as if that was her intent all along. To add to her rouse she tugged the shirt down to get the wrinkles out. What she didn't see was Vergil's reaction as her movements made her breasts stand out in relief against the shirt. For a brief moment her nipples had pressed against the material as if someone was pushing their thumbs against the silk.

"Umm, thanks again for lending me the shirt," she said with a smile when she felt she could meet his eyes again. Lady pointedly kept her own eyes locked onto his face; she didn't dare look any lower.

"I'll, uh, be really careful with it. I'll be back in an hour or so."

"I'll come with you."

"What?" she asked, straightening up from bending to retrieve the sack. "Why?"

He just stared at her.

"Dante will get mad if we miss a call," she reasoned out to him.

He still didn't answer.

"… Fine, do whatever you want!" she sighed explosively as she took the bag containing the dirty laundry. "Let's go."

Without waiting for him she headed for the door.

Cursing himself for blurting out a stupid sentence, he quickly donned his coat again and grabbed Yamato. He hadn't intended on going out with her, but the words just seemed to have sprung from his mouth. Dejectedly Vergil followed after her as he efficiently fastened the buttons of his coat shut.

The pair walked down the street in silence. They didn't talk as they entered the laundromat or when the other customers suddenly disappeared from sight. Vergil and Lady didn't consider this weird; the Sparda brothers had a 'reputation' in the neighbourhood. No one associated with them much if they could help it. Besides, he was carrying a katana out in plain view. Only crazy people carried swords out in public as if they were some kind of samurai.

Wordlessly Lady separated the clothes according to fabric type and colour. She then simultaneously loaded five washers and put coins in them. After starting the machines up she sat on the only remaining chair left since Vergil had taken the other.

Her seat happened to be across from his.

Another heavy silence ensued as they waited for the washers to finish. Vergil was still cursing himself for his impetuous decision while Lady wondered why he'd decided to tag along.

_'It's probably so he can make sure I don't stain his stupid shirt,'_ she snorted to herself as her gaze wandered over the faded posters on the laundromat's walls. _'He's so uptight. It's a wonder he hasn't died from all that tension!'_

Smothering a laugh, her eyes inadvertently drifted to Vergil. Her vision seemed to zero in on the swells of his pectoral muscles that managed to peek out from his coat. She felt her cheeks warm and she quickly looked away.

'_Stop it, Lady!'_ she scolded herself. _'You have better control than this!'_

But still she couldn't keep her eyes from drifting back and forth like a damned ping-pong ball. She'd always stare at him for a moment, catch herself doing so, and then redirect her gaze elsewhere. The young woman wished he was wearing a shirt, but then remembered why he wasn't.

Rubbing her back a little against the chair, she basked in its feel once more. Who knew silk felt _this_ good against the skin? She'd have to get herself one later on.

But also adding to the feeling was the fact that _she_ was wearing _his_ shirt. She doubted that Vergil let just anyone wear his clothes. Probably Dante hadn't been allowed to do so either. It made her feel special and haughty for some reason, though it was only circumstance that had allowed her this 'honour'.

Half an hour dragged by this way.

Lady found herself starting to slouch in her chair while Vergil was still rigidly seated, Yamato held at his side. She was considering trying to converse with him, but when she looked at his face she saw that his eyes were pinned to a spot above her shoulder. It looked like he wasn't up for some chitchat and she sulked a little lower in her chair.

What she didn't see was Vergil glancing at her from the corner of his eyes.

Suddenly loud screams could be heard from outside. Jerking up at the terrified sounds Lady looked out of the laundromat's giant window.

A herd of people was running down the street in a complete panic. Someone tripped but no one stopped to help him up. After regaining his feet he shot off like an arrow.

"What the –"

Lady stopped in mid sentence as she saw a large patch of darkness flowing down the street. Like an oil spill it slowly traveled after the mass of frightened humans.

"Stay here," Vergil said as he rose from his seat. He didn't wait for her reply before exiting the building.

"Hey!" Lady said indignantly. There he went with his bossy ego again! Who did he think she was, some kind of helpless maiden? She knew how to shoot and … she'd left her guns back home.

Groaning to herself Lady slapped her forehead. How could she be so careless! All she had with her was a small Walther PPK pistol she'd stuffed into her pocket before heading downstairs. Who'd think a demon would be _stupid_ enough to get this close to Devil May Cry?

Still, it seemed that the impossible had happened, and a demon was on the loose. Her 9 mm gun might not do much, but she wasn't one to stand around while there were demons to kill.

As Lady walked to the door she saw that Vergil had planted himself right in the middle of the darkness' path. He stood there like an immovable god and waited for it to reach him.

The shadows stretched out and stopped just at his feet. Vergil didn't seem concerned at its close proximity and continued to give it a level stare. With no face for him to focus on, Lady was still impressed at the severity of his expression.

Slowly the darkness drew into one spot and then congealed itself to form a demon. It was as twice as tall as Vergil and looked faintly feline in appearance. However it stood on its hind legs and had multiple eyes on its face and shoulders.

With a savage hiss it raised a clawed hand and swiped at the stock still Sparda.

One moment he was there, the next he was gone. Lady frantically looked around when she saw that the cat demon was attacking air. She caught flashes of blue as Vergil sliced at the creature and then teleported himself somewhere else.

In a short amount of time he managed to stab the majority of its eyes so that thick dark red blood dripped out. It melted the concrete as the fluid made contact with the street.

'_He's really something,'_ Lady thought as she watched Vergil battle the demon. His every movement was elegant and precise, and each strike drew blood. She couldn't help but admire his skill as he coolly decimated his foe.

But as Vergil fought the cat demon, he didn't notice a shadow stretching towards him from the back. Looking at it, she saw that it was connect to the cat's backside. It looked like it was going to use its tail and was waiting for an opportunity to hit him from behind.

Roughly pushing the door open Lady ran into the street.

"Vergil, your back!" she shouted.

Instead Vergil looked at her and was caught by surprise when the tail, complete with spiked fur, rammed him from the rear. He was sent sprawling onto the ground.

"Vergil!"

Lady started towards him but was attacked by the cat's quick claws. She barely managed to dodge the thing's hooked nails as it slashed the air in front of her. Shooting her pocket pistol at the cat, she retreated towards the laundromat.

The cat ignored the low caliber bullets and lunged for Lady. She threw herself backwards to avoid its claws, but it was too late. Her eyes widened as she felt the demon make contact with her.

Vergil watched in horror as she fell to the ground face down and didn't get up.

Feeling unfathomable anger exploding in him, he felt his body change into his devil form. Energy crackled around him like lightning as he dashed towards the cat demon, Yamato raised in a killing strike.

With an enraged shout, almost a howl, he plunged his katana hilt deep into the creature's central eye. It shrieked loudly in pain and caused several windows to explode from the sonic assault.

Vergil flew to Lady and used his giant leathery wings to shield her from the sharp glass. He felt them harmlessly bounce off his skin but the cat demon was further cut to shreds by the fatal rain.

Once the barrage of glass had stopped, Vergil folded his wings and returned to human form.

"Lady?" he asked softly as he crouched down and gently laid a hand on her shoulder. To his immense relief she groaned at his touch.

"What happened?" she asked groggily as she held her head.

"You were attacked," he said sternly. "Didn't I tell you to remain inside?"

"You're not the boss of me," she snorted as she pushed herself into a sitting position. "Besides, I couldn't let you have all the fun."

"Well you probably have a concussion so I hope you consider that fu – urgh!"

Vergil stared in stupefied fascination at Lady. Apparently his shirt had been ripped by the cat demon's attack, but his mind didn't even register that. Lady's front was exposed and only a few teasing strands of black silk kept him from having an unobstructed view of her breasts.

As it were the fluttering pieces of black cloth made her pale skin and nipples stand out in brilliant contrast. His mind remembered the earlier toaster incident but that was nothing compared to _this_.

"Vergil?" she asked, her mind still a bit foggy from hitting her head on concrete.

"Nothing!" he said as he quickly stood up. Walking a few paces away from her, he turned around and tried to control the heat rising in his face.

'_I can't believe it happened again! Twice!'_ he thought as he rubbed his eyes with his hand. _'How lucky can I get?'_

The last line was supposed to be sarcastic, but his mental voice had been anything but.

He felt something dribbling down his upper lip. Wiping it with a finger, he was shocked to see that it was blood.

'_Dammit!'_ he thought when he felt more blood coming out of his _nose_. He could **not** believe that this actually happened to people when they were, uh, _discomfited_!

"What's wrong?" Lady asked from behind him. He jumped.

"It's nothing. I'm fine!" he snapped as he clamped a hand over his offending nostrils.

"Oh don't be so stubborn!" she retorted. "It's OK to get hurt in battle once in a while, you know?"

"The demon isn't the one who did this to me," he muttered.

"What?"

"I said leave me alone already!"

To his chagrin she walked around to _face_ him! Didn't the blasted woman know she was flashing her knockers at him?

"Let me see," Lady said with forced calmness.

"No!" he said with blood seeping from between his fingers.

"Vergil!" she said as she saw the crimson liquid dribbling over his gloves.

"It's just my nose! I said I was fine!" he backed away from her a little. Seeing her unabashedly naked was making his nose bleed even _more_.

"No you're not!" she snapped in irritation. "Dammit, man, you're worse than a kid! Let me help you!"

Before he could protest she came up and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"… What are you doing?" he asked, staying stock still as if any contact with her would send him into fits.

"Stopping your nose from bleeding. Honestly, don't you know anything?" Lady sighed in exasperation.

Vergil supposed that it might help, but then again it was moot since her _freakin' boobs were right in his face!_

'_Oh God, oh God, oh God!'_ his mind thought frantically as his eyes zeroed in on the swells of her breasts. At this rate he was going to _bleed_ to death, and all because stupid Lady had gotten his expensive silk shirt shredded!

With a trembling hand he unbuttoned his coat and managed to wiggle out of it. Without preamble he shoved it at her.

"I'm not cold, but thanks anyway."

"You're not … woman, look at yourself!" he said in a voice a little higher than usual. Shit, were there supposed to be white lights flickering in and out of his vision? He thought he was going to die soon.

"Look at myself?" she mumbled in confusion. And then she looked down at his shirt.

"OH. MY. GOD!"

Taking her hand away from his nose, she used it to punch him in the chest.

"Ow! What was that for?" he asked. It hadn't hurt but it had been unexpected.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner you pervert!" she all but shrieked as she desperately donned his coat. Buttoning it up all the way, she glared at him fiercely.

"Didn't I tell you I was fine?" Vergil asked angrily, his words a little muddled from having his nose pinched. "Besides I wasn't the one who got my shirt destroyed! It's designer too!"

"Well excuuuuuuse me for trying to save your hide!" she yelled, her face as red as Dante's coat.

They glared at each other though both were red faced with embarrassment. It was one of those moments where you looked back at it later and laughed, but right now they just wanted to crawl into a hole and die a quick death.

**_Bzzzzz_**

The buzzers cut through the tense air and made both of them start with surprise. It took them a moment to realize that it was the washing machines signaling that they were done.

With a "humph!" Lady turned away and strode inside the laundromat. She slammed the door so hard that the window, which had somehow survived the cat demon's dying scream, broke at the impact.

After wiping his bloody hands on his pants, which were still too tight by the way, he followed her in.

Lady loaded the dryers with their clothes and put more coins in. She set the machines and turned them on. Immediately rumbling noises filled the air as their clothes began to tumble inside.

Vergil leaned against an empty washing machine and stared straight ahead. To his astonishment Lady stood right in front of him and brazenly stared at his bare chest.

"What are you doing?" he scowled.

"Getting some pay back, what's it look like?" she sneered.

"Well then, do you like what you see?" he asked with sarcastic annoyance as he spread his arms wide.

"Yeah, I do. Did you like mine?" Lady inquired just as sarcastically.

"Yes, I did."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Vergil snapped and strode forward.

Grabbing his coat in his fist, he pulled her towards him and brought his lips crashing down onto hers. She made a sound of protest but was silenced as his tongue delved into her mouth.

After a heated battle with their tongues, they parted for air. Looking/glaring at each other she asked, "What was that for?"

"I just needed a little peace and quiet," he smirked as he looked at her swollen lips.

"Oh, so that was to shut me up, hmm? Well I think you should take your own advice and keep your words to yourself!" she huffed.

"You want me to be silent? Then make me," he grinned challengingly at her.

"Fine, I will!" she suddenly stood on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. She tugged him down towards her and resumed the kiss.

Forty-five minutes later, they were still 'shutting each other up' when the buzzer for the dryers went off.

* * *

Dante sat in his office chair with his legs propped on the desk. He'd gotten home to an empty house, which was strange. Vergil and Lady knew better than to leave the phone unattended!

Luckily he didn't think he missed anything important, and so he was just whittling away the time till his brother and friend got back.

'_Bleh, how can Lady drink this?'_ Dante asked as he looked at the bottle of iced tea in his hand. He'd run out of tomato juice and had been desperately thirsty. The half-demon had decided to try Lady's drink of choice, but didn't like the tart taste in his mouth.

The front door suddenly banged open and Lady stalked in.

"Hey, there you are!" Dante said cheerfully, glad that someone was home now, and could possibly entertain him till the next demon hunt came.

Lady only glared daggers at him before heading for the stairs. Dante did a double take as he saw her wearing _Vergil's_ coat. What was up with that?

He also caught sight of the laundry sack in her grasp, and he smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand. Damn, he _knew _he forgot something! But still, he didn't think his forgetting to do the laundry was enough to make Lady homicidally mad at him.

Vergil stepped through the front door a moment later. He was only wearing his pants and boots (and Yamato if you count that as an accessory). Dante watched as his brother strode up to him and grabbed the iced tea from his hands.

"Hey, get your own!" Dante protested, earlier revulsion at the drink forgotten.

Instead Vergil poured the cold liquid over his face before handing the empty bottle back to his dumbfounded brother.

"Much better," he said as Dante continued to stare at him open mouthed. Vergil then walked into the kitchen for some of that peace and quiet he'd been after. God knew that with Lady around, he wasn't going to get any for a while.

* * *

**A/N: **Ahahaha, it's official; Vergil wants to _kill_ me! In the most excruciating manner too! How cruel. :P 


End file.
